and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
