No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
