8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
where are my eyebrows?
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