Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
