You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
