i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
