Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
