bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
