it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
