I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
