i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
