thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
