So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
