You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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