And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ugly people sure do ruin things
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
40s are totally the cure
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
