My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
we should paint friendship bongs
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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