she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
