Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
