I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
