i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
