i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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