Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
where are my eyebrows?
we should paint friendship bongs
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