I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
