She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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