Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
