mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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