So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
