Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
