We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
