you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
