My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
