i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
