Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
