If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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