never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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