Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
