Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
