take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
