I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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