so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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