I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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