Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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