i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
