.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
