i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
