I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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