you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
