every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
