On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
