Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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