my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
